Thursday, December 20, 2012

fawn update.

i'll be 34 weeks tomorrow! and things are starting to get real.

delia came at 34 weeks 5 days, and even though that doesn't mean fawn will be early it's still settling in. we're going to have a new baby! at home!

people keep asking if we want a boy or a girl, and it's something i wrestled with for awhile. obviously, we just want a baby here with us, but it's hard not to consider what it would be like either way.

i hesitate on wanting a girl because i'm afraid it will just be bitter reminder of what we didn't get to experience with delia. seeing eliza have a sister here, doing sister things. at the same time though, i get excited thinking of another little girl. i love the name we have picked, i want to use it, i want to say it everyday. i want her to grow up with a sister.

most of the pregnancy i have felt like it was a boy though. that thought is exciting and scary. i grew up around boys, but i'm not a mama to one! it will definitely be an adjustment, and he'll suffer at home in some pink onesies i'm sure. :)

i had a check up last week. on the drive there eliza was pretending to talk on a phone. for some reason she loses all volume control when she plays this game, it's quite funny though. her conversation was as follows...

"hi _______! (insert everyone on her mind) how are you?! just going to the doctor. mama's getting a new baby! ok! talk to you later! bye!"

i love that innocence. just going to pick up a new baby! :)

at that appointment they requested another ultrasound because i haven't gained any weight. my belly was measuring fine, but they wanted to check on fawn.

so a few days later we went in for another peek. i mentioned to the lady that i had still been getting sick on occasion, and she figured i had gallstones. sure enough, i do! that explains the dull pain on my right side each pregnancy. annoying that it took two seconds for her to tell me that, and the docs just blamed heartburn this whole time!

after seeing this pic my mind said "oh! that's a boy!" but then i reminded myself that a lot of people swore my niece was a boy based on her ultrasound pic, and she is definitely not one!

this week i had a night of some pretty serious contractions. they were very close together, and felt just like the ones i had with delia before we left for the hospital. they tapered off, but not before i busted out a few onesies because "oh my goodness...we're going to have a baby and i have to make a onesie like i did for eliza!" and since we don't know the sex, i had to make two...just in case. (still need to stitch around for reinforcement.)
the next day my stomach was super sore, but it must have become real to james too, because he pulled all the baby boxes (that we shipped to and from korea) out so i could sit in the garage and pull out what we needed. this little space is filling up with tiny clothes, diapers, hats, toys...
eliza and i have been talking about fawn coming more and more too. i think she's a bit confused at times. still talking about delia, and asking when she is coming here. i wonder what she will think once we bring fawn home. she was in the hospital with us, and saw delia there, but never had to have a baby here. sharing her space, our time.

in one conversation i said "so it won't just be you, me and daddy. we will have a baby like enola does."

she replies with "and wowa is going to live with us?!"

to get her excited i had her help make a onesie. i saw the idea on delia creates and fell in love. i gave her "special" paper, let her sit at my desk, use my pen, and asked her if she could draw a picture of fawn.

i watched closely, and listened as she described what she was drawing "oh! hims needs hair!" "and here...a chin!" and highlighted those parts making it easier for me to make a stencil.

it was the first time i used freezer paper in this way, and it was so easy/fun! i want to turn all of her art into clothes!
she was pretty proud. if the way she acts around other babies is any indication, she is going to be a pretty sweet big sister!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

simple Christmas.

i've wrestled with this post, because i don't want to offend, or make people think i look down on them. i just keep thinking "different strokes..."

it's just every day, as we get closer to Christmas, in my newsfeed there are posts about what people bought their kids and what extravagant gift is on their wishlist.

i have no problem with wanting nice things, my issue comes with the flaunting.

so, with that said, why not flaunt how we appreciate and celebrate a simple Christmas...and still have a happy child at the end of the day. :)

i come from a bigger family. for the longest time we all bought each other gifts and exchanged. then nieces and nephews came and filled the room too. it got to be a little much and too hard on some of us financially. we also felt like it took away from the real Reason for Christmas.

so one year we decided to draw names. that way we were giving a more meaningful gift and not taking home a bunch of "junk."

later it evolved to a guys and girls gift exchange. the men started a tradition last year to bring a favorite six pack and do a grab bag.

the girls draw names and pick a handmade theme. this year whatever we make has to fit in a mason jar.

since the littles are growing we have them draw names too. they get excited to shop for one cousin, and it saves us all a lot of money.

for one of our other family Christmases we decided years ago to bring a donation instead of a gift. we've donated to many charities that impacted us that year. when levi was sick we donated to a prune belly syndrome one, when delia came we kept her in mind, and this year, after news of our uncle we are donating to a msa charity.

for the kids we started doing things that would fill memories, not toyboxes. last year we made gingerbread houses and sent off paper lanterns into the sky.

as for our immediate family. well, it's pretty obvious to those that know us that we are "those" parents. i joke about it, but i really don't mind being labeled that way. green, crunchy, old school, simple, crazy, annoying...i'll take the label.

eliza's first Christmas she was 3 months, so she wouldn't know if she got many gifts. after that we were in korea, and knew she'd be overwhelmed with gifts from home (thank you!) and then it just seemed like the right thing to keep up.

last year i saw on pinterest the idea of giving your children something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read.

i thank God for the blessings in our life. as i tried to figure out what she needed i was at a loss. i mean, she needs a bedroom, but that's not practical right now. she needs new underwear, but who wants that under the tree? i finally came up with something, but i sat there thinking "there has to be something, but i really don't know what." when you think about others in need, and look around your house and see blessings, it's hard to find something. (she's getting a big girl hooded towel, simple because fawn will be taking up some of the baby ones!)

those are the gifts from santa. we do fill stockings, and then james and i each pick out a gift for eliza. i like seeing what he picks for her and it's nice to just have one special gift to pick.

i'm happy that when this Christmas rolled around, she was unaware of who santa was. he isn't our focus. it's not on the commercialization, it's on a special Baby, and she surely knows who that is. thanks to her bible book, sunday school, and the songs she's been practicing non stop.

i'm not saying this is the right way, but it definitely is the right way for us. i'm happy to keep her toys simple, spend a little more on quality sustainable toys, and not something she'll forget about before she finishes unwrapping everything. i want her to value what she has, and not expect or demand a bunch.

simple Christmas. simple focus.

His coming, our family, memories.

our b&w.

 eliza "taking a picture" of james cutting down our tree.
 hanging ornaments.
 getting the train set up.
 daddy's job.
 enola, eliza and deandra looking cute at breakfast with santa.
 eliza with rudolph the "almost" reindeer. (that's what she calls him)
 she had to be bribed with candy. and told him she wanted a kitty cat named pepper shaker.
 mr. reese looking handsome in plaid.
 dinner at the table daddy built from an old door that was in the house before the rebuild.
 playing around with my new lens. practicing in low light for fawn pics.
loving on fawn.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

this happened.

as i was trying to get eliza out the door to head to meet a customer before mops maggs was not getting in his box like i told him to a zillion times.

we recently moved it to the utility room.

the utility room my (awesome!) husband cleaned this past weekend.

after realizing how late it was getting and maggs still not listening, this hormonal mama lost it.


as i turned around i see eliza with her hat pulled down over her eyes.

"mama don't yell. i don't like it. it scares me."

instant mama guilt washed over me. i'm sorries were said, but all morning while she was at moppets i was wrestling with this convicting feeling.

so on the drive home i brought it up again. i talked, tried to explain, apologized, asked if she'd forgive me, and she replied...

"i do. i was just teasing mama! teasing like daddy!"

well gee, thanks for the guilt trip!

then we walk in to find that maggs had escaped and the once clean room looked like this...

and i took a deep breath and said "real funny God."

Sunday, December 9, 2012

oh eliza...

you so funny.

here are some random stories i've been saving and meaning to put somewhere. so until i transfer them to her journal, here they'll be! and some are repeats from effbook.


sitting in a parking lot with fast food. i unbuckle her so she can come to the front. hand her food over and she hands it back saying "hold this cause i make a lap! i need to make a lap!" (sit with her legs crossed)


while passing time outside this summer waiting on my brother, krista and i were trying to get her to look at our shadows. you could tell she was looking past them, and just seeing the ground. i tapped my foot in the gravel and said "right there. that's your shadow, see it?" i just so happened to tap a piece of litter and she reached down and picked it up, "oh! my shadow!" then when she was getting in the car later she told krista "here! hold my shadow!"


maggs kiss me. kiss me! you can kiss me on my lips. maggs, give me your best kiss ever!


jake and the neverland pirates spawned this one...

on halloween we saw a tiny rainbow and eliza said "did the pirate princess do that?!"


the song "mountain music" came on the radio and she said "this is a cowboy song mama?" "yep!" "like cowboy dongald?" (donald duck)


yelling from the living room "hey! somebody! i need george!" (curious george)


a favorite thing to say to daddy lately "oh! that's cool, man."


if you ask her what we should name fawn it usually comes out as a series of letters starting with E, like her.

"E-T-I-C!" "E-P-H-I" "E-I-C-K" "E-G-H-L-I"


she was being silly in the car on the way to church and after she'd say or do something funny she'd ask james and i "now would you laugh at me guys?"


she combines very and really...

"i berry like that. i berry i berry do!"


she likes to say "my friend" in front of names...

"oh! it's my friend grannie!" "my friend daddy!"


we walked into a friend's house the other day. they had just had snack time and there was popcorn on the floor in the kitchen. she looked at crista (the mom) and said "would you clean that up?!"


when nana was putting her in her carseat in papa's car she commented on how papa's car was messy.

after that eliza told everyone about papa's mess, and pestered papa to clean.

this morning james was moving the carseat back to our car and eliza said "papa! would you help my friend daddy clean your mess?!"


she keeps talking about a mermaid song. we have no idea what it is, but she asked grannie if she'd like to hear it. the lyrics were as follows...

"mermaid, mermaid, mermaid, mermaid, mermaid..."

sung over and over for about a full minute, until we finally got her to stop. 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

just like mama.

that was the name of a library book she picked this last round and it's so fitting for this stage.

 not only has she had me read it over and over and she yells the "just like mama!" part in this perfect three year old sing song voice, but she also has been watching me close.

out of the corner of my eye i catch her mimicking me when she takes care of her dolls, or maggs.

i overhear her telling them the same things i tell her.
she watches how i wash my face and then does the same thing to her own.

the same goes for brushing hair.

i have her lay down on my legs in the bath so i can wash her hair.

when she's in by herself i hear her talking to her mermaid "now lay back...i have to wash your hair. it's okay!"

yesterday morning, first thing...

eliza - "i want clothes!"

me thinking "seriously, i'm not even out of bed yet, and we usually always stay in our jammies!"

she changes a few times then says "no, i want a green you."

shirt and pants had to be as close to my jammies as possible...and she had to tell krista about it on the phone.

just like mama.
i know this moment is fleeting, and as annoying as it can be at times, it is pretty precious!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

from my desk...

last month after getting a new Christmas cartridge and see that it had nativity pieces on it too, i decided that a nativity banner was needed around here.

if i'm going to make one though, why not make 6?

it was A LOT of work. so many layers and little tiny pieces.

 the end result though is awesome. i love it!

since it's was so time consuming, and i have a ton of family tree orders set for Christmas gifts this is a limited edition item.

of course i had to keep one for our house!
so that left 5.

i was going to list them all in my etsy shop, but then a friend said "you should auction one!"
so that left 4 to go in the shop soon.

the other one will be posted to my fb page and if you'd like your chance to win it head over and place your bid.
auction will close at 10pm (est) sunday 2december2012.

i will donate the proceeds from that banner to now i lay me down to sleep.

if you follow my blog, you know how special that organization has been to us.

lisa captured our most precious time with delia in such a beautiful way.

i wanted to find a way to give back.

good luck! and thanks for being such great fans of my little shop!

happy december! don't forget The Reason.

Friday, November 30, 2012

some november pics.

hate coming here and seeing that pic at the top of the page (which btw does not violate effbooks community standards) so i'll leave you with some ziza joy!

mama made thanksgiving shirt. that she has to tell everyone "see my leaves, and my tree and my one eye!"  (there is a leaf in the middle towards the right that looks like it has an eye on it)

 she loves to help daddy work.
but also loves helping me in the kitchen or with orders. here she was putting maggs food back. who btw better live forever because james took him with to work yesterday and eliza gave us the saddest face that maggs was leaving for the day. she is crazy about him!
 family game night. had to play the squirrel game, which she now calls "my chip and dale game!"
modeling another nana steph dress. this one has buttons on the bottom that she loves almost as much as pockets. she had to stand there and count them before she'd finish getting ready. then she insisted that nana steph made her leggings too. sorry girl, nana steph doesn't make EVERYTHING!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

let them be little!

so, it doesn't take long to find a pic of a chick in her underwear on fb.

guessing one like this won't get removed if reported.

i mean, honestly, it's the same as that video. taken from behind, no boobs showing.

oh, but wait, she's not 3!

so for some reason, that's ok.

and may i just say i love my husband. he posted this status the other day without my knowing...

"I have been asked by many people why I never post to facebook (I believe this might be my third). Well, apparently it’s because I’ve been too busy as a manager of a child pornography star (my wife apparently serves as the camera and crew).
No, seriously… for those of you out there who do not know, Shel has been blocked from facebook for three days (background: first offense was 24 hours, now we a

re doing three days) for posting a video of our daughter doing the funniest thing I think I may have ever seen in my entire life. “Check out her blog ( if you want to see it. It’s a couple of posts down, and beware, as her “friends” have considered this child pornography!)
Even though there’s obviously a lot of other complaining I could do here, and I’m normally the kind to just stay out of it, there is one thing about this that I can’t let go. When did we become a society where we rely on a governing body to do everything? I’m going to try to leave our nation’s current political state out of this rant, but please feel free to apply this concept to it.
Short story… When we lived in Korea, we (Shel, Eliza, and me) were once riding a bus on Camp Casey. Some younger soldiers were using profanity in what I would have considered excess even at work, let alone on a bus full of women and small children. I politely confronted them about this issue. They responded by saying that they didn’t even realize what they were doing and quit doing it right away.
These were people I had never met before in my life. I didn’t report them to their chain-of-command. I didn’t go talk to the bus driver and have them thrown off. There was no need for that kind of response. However, a FRIEND, someone my wife cares enough about to share an extremely happy moment in our lives with (as the video privacy settings were very limited), decided to use an authority to address their issues. And everyone wonders why I would ever consider running away to the mountains and get away from it all. Come on people!"
your comments on here, and that status have been awesome. thanks for confirming that i'm not the freak here! 

i just want to live in a world where kids can be kids.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

meant to share this pic here last night.

and at least we can laugh...

james saw a pic of her modeling in front of the paper lullaby garland and said "hey! i know that chick."

i replied "yea, she's always naked all over the internet."

if you get a girl blocked from fb...

she's just going to find another way to share.

those that are friends with me on fb may know that awhile ago i had some pics of eliza removed and was banned for 24 hours.

i was pretty annoyed, mostly because that prevents me from being able to keep up my business page.

these were pics of her swimming topless, being held upside with her shirt coming up and other innocent childhood things.

apparently one of my "friends" doesn't think it's innocent. that's fine, what annoys me is people taking the coward way out and reporting it. just tell me you don't appreciate those pics. i'll block you from seeing them!

yes, i post a lot to fb. being in korea for a year, it was our way to keep family updated.

i never thought, this probably shouldn't be up. because if you know us, and come to our house, guess what? you are probably going to see a half naked child running around. especially in the summertime.

at what age does that become "inappropriate" and why is it okay to see ads plastered everywhere of much worse? also, i'm pretty sure if she was a boy it wouldn't have been reported. why? because men can have their shirts off anywhere and it's totally fine.

but again...SHE'S 3!

and if this video (the one that got removed, the one that only shows her backside) doesn't make you laugh...well then i'm not sure we should be "friends"

i posted it to a limited audience last night, thinking i had weeded out enough people, and kept it to those that wouldn't be so uptight, but i guess not.

so now? now it's here. and according to vimeo "non-sexual nudity is allowed" so it should stay.

have a laugh...and relax!

dancing painter. from michele rockhill on Vimeo.

and if you're wondering why my fb is bare bones, it's because i changed a ton of settings. i'll share more pics and video here. get back to the blog way and save fb for random musings and to keep up with paper lullaby.

all of this just really makes me want to take up james' offer of running to the mountains when he's out of the army. off the grid of this crazy world filled with crazy people. :)

i'm really not old enough to say i miss the simple times am i?

Monday, November 19, 2012

their she grows.

and as my belly grows.

eliza has been talking about delia at random a lot more lately.

it's always happened at random, but it was few and far between, brought up on her own accord.

now that's she is getting older, understanding (as well as a 3 year old can) and seeing my belly (and fawn!) grow it's happening often.


hand on my belly.

eliza - delia kissed my hand!

me - fawn.

eliza - fawn just kissed my hand!

so not correcting her that it's kicked, not kissed.


today when we walked in i told eliza "we get to see dr. reed today!" and she replied "we going to find delia?!"

oh eliza.

but then when we heard the hb she said "it's the new baby! that's fawn"


playing at home.

"delia is coming to my house to play?"

"no, she's in heaven remember?"

"but she coming to play?!"


walking into hobby lobby.

"you have your pack pack mama?"

"well, this is a purse. mama's carry purses...or diaper bags."

"a diaper bag?"

"yep, i carried one when you were little, and when fawn comes i probably will too!"

"but delia can wear my diapers? they fit her?"

"delia doesn't need diapers. she's in heaven remember?"


i know it has to be so confusing for her. she'll say that delia is in heaven, and i remind her that we already got to hold delia, but it's still hard.

hard for her...hard for me to answer on the spot.

one day the questions will stop. she'll just know. even when that happens i hope she still talks about her.

her baby sister.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

mermaid birthday!

yea, guess i should get on posting about her 3rd birthday party! it only happened almost 2 months ago. quicker than last year!

over the summer i asked her what kind of party she wanted. i listed off some ideas that i thought

1. she would like.
2. wouldn't be a commercial theme.
3. i could handle.

of course she shot down all of air balloons? rainbows? flowers? ballerinas? birds? bunnies? tea party? and so on.

randomly i said mermaids and she exclaimed "yes!"

funny since her only encounter with mermaids at that time was me clipping a fitted crib sheet around her waist and telling her she was a mermaid. this was when there was only one tutu and enola was over, and wearing it.

thus began her love of mermaids though. and just this last week her favorite librarian said "think you can get her interested in something else? we are running out of mermaid books!"

she also loves watching jake, and since there would be a few boys there i decided to incorporate a bit of a pirate theme too.

her first birthday was spent in korea, so it was on the small scale. i did a few things, but most of the party was over webcam, and her party at night had 3 guests!

her second birthday was just a few weeks after we lost delia. there were a lot of things i did get to do for her, but a lot i missed out on doing because i just couldn't pull it together that soon. we had a lot of help setting up for the party by all the guests! we also weren't in our home yet so it was just a little scattered. fun, but scattered.

so this year i wanted to do it right!

it was filled with a treasure hunt, many treasures, a build your own kabob dinner, saltwater taffy, seaweed, and of course mermaids and pirates!

her invites. i stamped on watercolor paper, then used watercolor pencils. a labor of love, but once i spaced it out over the span of a few weeks, it wasn't so bad. nice sit in front of the tv project!

another fun project was this treasure map. i wrote down landmarks in our yard and my super artsy sister-in-law drew it out for me, then i traced over it and tea stained it.

eliza just so happened to be getting a sandbox from my parents so it was the perfect spot for some buried treasure!
the kids had a lot of fun. it was a little bit of an obstacle course (hopping over, circling around, crawling under) thankfully we had some older kids that helped out with reading the map. we lost a few of the younger ones that got distracted crawling under the table, but it was fun to watch!
the favors were another thing that i spent a lot of time on. i blamed it on the fact that we only have one kid, and i have way too much time on my hands. crazy mama crafts! i just love homemade gifts and toys, and wanted to share a bit with her friends!

the treasure chest before being picked over! found the golden chocolate coins on sale at walgreens, and ma picked up the saltwater taffy from a local candy shop. 
favors for the little pirates.
 and for the mermaids.
 peg people line up!
 all the crazy mama made pieces. felt eye patch, pearl bracelet, felt starfish hair barrette, peg people, and pixie dust necklaces.
the buckets for the favors were from the dollar spot at target.

and of course, i had to put together some decorations. i said i started paper lullaby after making garland for her 1st birthday and yet, she's never had a mama made banner!

once again, no banner, but she did get some other fun things!

cake topper and cracked cake with graham cracker sand.
a blanket i found in an antique shop years ago fit the theme (and table!) perfectly!

the book in front is her 20 questions. one for each year until she's 18. thanks aunt alyssa! her answers were pretty funny this year!
also found these directions on pinterest for seaweed. loved the simplicity of it!
 i added some sequins and had just those hanging in her doorway when she woke up. she loves sparkles!
and the last mama made thing, to go with her peg people was this felt play mat.
flip side.
 her family.
and a few random shots.

love the one of the twins chowing down on the kabobs!

wearing my shirt from when i was three!
"all my friends!" in front of her new daddy built clubhouse.
it was such a great time. beautiful, relaxing night with good company!

so thankful to be in our home and making new memories! not sure how extravagant her next birthday will be. the joy of being the only child! :) hope you enjoyed it eliza!

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