Wednesday, October 31, 2012

happy halloween!

not sure which i can keep up longer.

making her costumes, or them starting with the letter p.

a big thanks to her aunt whit for the help this year.

last year eliza was the pea to enola's carrot.

this year they were the cutest salt and pepper shakers around.

and boy did they shake it!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

please be a musician.

we've been listening to a lot of mumford and lumineers lately.

loving that folk inspired "musgick" (eliza's word)

she sings along to "daddy's song" well, just the "ho" part of "ho hey!"

 we joked that we may need to move to europe so she has a better chance of being cool, and being in an awesome band.

one that she didn't have to answer a craig's list ad to join.

but then this happened...

and i think her daddy and southern indiana might just work in her favor.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

ob-la-di, ob-la-da

life goes on.

and it was a much better day today.

falls pic prompted by this conversation on the way to story time...

me - eliza! look at that bright orange tree!

eliza - :gasp!: let's take a picture!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

apologizing to your child.

tonight i had to.

only i knew that she wouldn't understand, so instead i wrote her a letter.

she will get it (the letter and the purpose) one day.

i hate that i had to.

so often i am disappointed in the mama i am to her...lately.

i want to go back, but so much has changed.

she's 3. i'm pregnant. my world was ripped apart when we were forced to say goodbye to her sister.

i miss the mama i was.

i want to get back there.

especially since we only have 4 months (ish) until our world changes again.

until it's not just her and i.

i know i will miss these moments, but yet i am missing them now.

i'm afraid she looks at me and thinks "you were such a fun mama once."

i know that's not likely, she is as loyal as maggs at this age, but still.

it's a fear.

and it swamps me with guilt.

pray i can find patience, and find extra happiness, even through the trying times.

i can't lose her too.

and of course i went to the internet for encouragement and answers. came across an article that had a few gems in it...

so, often, moms are dragged back into parenting, by the surviving children.

parents often struggle to be consistently present physically and emotionally for their children.

bereaved parents rebuild their lives because their children need it.

she needs it...she needs me. 

disclaimer - this was a real hard one to write. to put out there, but i am sure there are other moms that feel the same. and i am sure my own mother is freaking out. don't freak...just pray! this is my outlet, i write better than i talk. you know this.

Monday, October 15, 2012

october 15th.

in honor of pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. 

for the one that made me a mom.

and the girl that taught me how to love with no fear.

and the littlest bean that brought joy in a time of sorrow.

A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

in her eyes.

i love watching her learn, explore and grow.

after sunday school this week we got to hear her retell the story of joshua and the battle of jericho.

her and enola took turns explaining what happened in between yelling through their paper trumpets.

it's always an amazing feeling seeing your child learn about Him.

last night was one of my favorite moments though.

when she was baptized her Godmother (aunt adrienne) gave her the Jesus storybook bible and a grown up leather bible with her name on the cover.

she loves her "bible books" and insists on bringing the grown up one to our small group bible study, even though she just goes upstairs with the other kids to play.

the storybook one has been part of our nightly routine off and on since she was baptized 3 years ago.

lately it's been a requirement after another story and before her prayers.

we've read through it almost 4 times, but last night, something awesome happened.

she goes through phases where she wants to "read" it to us.

i give her a chance and she usually flips through the pages saying "God...and" and so on.

she obviously has all the important parts down.

there have been a few times that she will say "we read together." and after i say a sentence she repeats it. it's a slow read that way, takes awhile, but i figure at least she's listening...hopefully it is sinking in.

last night it did...and it was all over her face.

we got to the crucifixion. i always wonder if she "gets" it or realizes what's happening.

she was repeating bits and pieces of each sentence...

"crown and robe."

"whipped him."

"come to rescue them."

"our King."

"cross on His back."

then i turned the page and she saw this picture. the same picture she had seen many times before, but this time she really saw it, and you could see it on her face.

she stopped repeating.

i kept reading at a slower pace.

her eyes raced around and got that sad look.

then her lip came out ever so slightly.

mine probably did too, seeing her, see him.

it was a proud mama moment, but also a bittersweet one.

it's just the beginning. learning about our sinful world.

she'll struggle, she will be sad, her lip may come out, but i pray that she keeps looking at the cross and turning to the one that hung there.

for her.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

so in love.

with my girl that refuses to stop growing!

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