Tuesday, February 10, 2015

one tuft of hair...and i lose it.

eliza's hair flowed for days...or years. always a mess in her face, and she didn't care at all. i both hated and loved it.

hattie's hair was amazing from day one. she also had one curl that i said i could write a whole love letter to.

abner came out with hair that made me think "is he really ours?" then smiled because i thought the same about delia and her hair.

cradle cap hit hard and i whimpered over the clumps that i combed out while dousing him in coconut oil. he has lost so much.

and yet, he has a tuft.
one perfect little tuft that i could swoon over for days.

something so simple causes so many emotions with this crazy (in love) mama.

he stands in my lap.

he wants to see the world.

he smiles.

he bounces.

he wiggles and squirms.

and then his chubby little legs tire.

i turn him around and he still wants to stand.

except now he leans against me.

my hair brushes his cheek.

he smiles and shrieks.

rubs his eyes.

because he is oh, so, so tired.

then he leans in.

he looks down, and it happens.

he nuzzles around and around, pops back up.

and there it is.

that tuft.

my broken heart explodes.

broken, because i know this moment is fleeting.

i want to soak it all up.

yet my mind wanders to far (far, far) off places.

i worry about what to do with a boy and having regular haircuts.

it's so foreign.

then i think about his hair getting fluffed after hitting a home run.

or striking out.

i wonder what kind of hats he will wear over that hair.

will he even like baseball?

will he be a country boy?

my heart sinks a little.

will he wear a beret like his daddy?

an army cap?

ever since he was born, since finding out he was a he, i have a new respect for my mother in law.

i cannot imagine seeing my little boy go and do what hers did.

how hard that must have been.

and there i go, getting ahead, worrying about the future.

instead of now.

now i will go sniff that baby fresh hair.

i will nuzzle in.

and thank God that he let me be this boy's mama.

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