Sunday, November 30, 2008

coming soon...

last week update.

our Christmas tree pictures.

17 fun things...if i can think of the rest.

but for now check this out.

some of james' friends are in that video. i told you there was a boom!

next weekend i'll be heading over to fort bragg with erica for her baby shower. hoping i handle it all okay. it will be nice to see everyone!

Friday, November 28, 2008

sickeningly sweet.

one of my most favorite parts of our wedding was the music. especially the song i walked down the aisle to.

music was important, and i wanted it all to be acoustic guitar, no organ. so i asked my brother joshUA if he'd like to play. he was on a youth encounter team at the time, and they make great music all together, so invited them all to come.

i requested 2 standard wedding songs, and 2 more modern songs. none of which they had played before.

i never heard them practice, and just trusted them. it turned out to be the most memorable part.

the girls walked in to canon in d.

then came me with the song i'm going to talk about in a bit.

instead of a unity candle we gave our moms bouquets of daisies while they played the byrd's song "turn, turn, turn"

and we walked out to "go My children, with My blessing"

it was perfect.

so about the song i walked to james to. it was one of my favorites a couple years ago. it's a mason jennings song and it was on this 4 song cd he only released online. i never heard of mason before ralf so i must thank her.

it's a beautiful song. james made a slideshow for me for our first Christmas back together. he used that song, and the words just fit us perfectly at that point. we had come a long way, and there was a bit of hesitation on my end. (so i like the last verse.) especially if you know our story, you'll see.

so one day as i was getting ready for work at the high school last year, that song came on. it hit me. that was it! i called UA and told him i knew what song i HAD to walk down the aisle to, and wondered if i found sheet music if he could play it.

dave added the piano part, and the song really came together. just how i imagined. the perfect song to walk to james to on our wedding day.

if you want to hear it i found this video on you tube. another person's love story set to this song. i love the part where they are dancing on the bed...

just listen to the guitar at the beginning. that's what got me!

(oh and i always sang it "get back HOME to you" but yahoo tells me it's "on to you" home fit better with us. :)

and here are the lyrics if you'd rather read, or read along...

mason jennings - to you

i'm going to say what i wanted to say.
since i first saw you on that rainy day.
when you caught me looking and i made you laugh.
honey, i know you, i've always had.

and if this world is just some random bet.
then they'd be no good reason why we would have met.
but if there's something bigger, if there's something planned.
honey, i want you to understand.

that every beat of my heart is true.
i've spend my life trying to get back on to you, oh.
to you, oh.

i'm gonna do what i wanted to do.
i'm gonna trust my heart and give it back to you.
every time i speak i want to say your name.
honey, i know you feel the same.

when we're talking and you look at me.
i feel the distant memory coming back to me.
like my own reflection on the quiet lake.
honey, i see you, there's no mistake.

and every word that i say is true.
i've spend my life trying to get back on to you, oh.
to you.

i'm going to be who i wanted to be.
i will become the man who you deserve from me.
no more hiding out under mountains of fear.
honey we're breaking out of here.

the open moment and the sky above.
nothing can hold us back from the things we've learned.
you need not save your strength, untie your safety rope.
you will not need it, all you need is hope.

and every dream that we have is true.
i've spend my life trying to get back on to you, oh.
to you oh, to you oh, to you oh.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

happy thanksgiving.

there are so many things i am thankful for, a great husband, family, friends, magglio, our home.

but this thanksgiving what i am most thankful for is...

james being home.

hope you have a great thanksgiving with the ones you love!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

not a whole lot...

going on around here.

we had a bonfire at ben and celina's on sunday. a little get together for the youth. we are trying to revive that group at good shepherd. ben asked if james and i would be interested in helping. of course!

our night was filled with pudgie pies, s'mores, laughs and good conversation. also a cold ride back home on the motorcycle. we had been itching for a ride and it was one of the warmer nights.

james' mom is on her way down for a few day visit. we can't wait to see her. it will be nice to have her here for thanksgiving.

we are going over to adam and erica's. adam's uncle is a chef and is cooking for everyone. both sides of their family will be here. sounds like it will be a good time. i can't wait for good food!

i'm off to finish cleaning and bake some pumpkin bread. have to use it before november is over because then it's officially winter, in my mind!

oh yea, i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. follow up on the surgery, no big deal. i'm still healing, but it's getting better!

happy thanksgiving to all of you. not sure if we'll be on much. God's blessings wherever you are!


Saturday, November 22, 2008

don't forget thanksgiving!

glad to see so many people agree about the cupcakes. i told james. :)

i have heard of people using funfetti for their wedding cake, and i think it's an awesome idea!

james and i designed our Christmas card last night. i had the idea, but couldn't make it work. he showed me how to use adobe illustrator and he really got into it! i printed them today with my gocco, and i am so in love! a few of the fonts didn't transfer when we moved them to the computer we print from, but i'm still happy. i'm sure they aren't done the best design wise, but oh well! we did them, and they are fun!

now i just have to work on writing them.

i hate doing anything Christmas before thanksgiving. "love actually" was on last night and really got me in the mood.

shhh. don't tell adrienne. she is the queen of listening to Christmas music before thanksgiving and it made me crazy! :)

adam came over for a bit today and i got to listen to him and james jam on their guitars. it was perfect! we are going over to their house for thanksgiving. james' mom will be here too. can't wait!

oh! and we found out that we have another ball to go to! i was just talking about how i wanted to wear my tutu skirt from a few Christmases back, and now i can! hoping tammy has a top that will work!

james is less than thrilled.

Friday, November 21, 2008

death by cupcakes?

i made funfetti cupcakes a few nights ago.

i wasn't sure how much to fill the cups so a few of them overflowed and turned out looking more like muffins. so i left those unfrosted and feel justified eating them for breakfast.

since i made these cupcakes james said "you can't live on cupcakes you know?!"

i beg to differ. i am doing just fine!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

getting there.

brand new day. joshua radin.

some kind of magic - happens late at night - when the moon smiles down on me - and bathes me in it’s light

i fell asleep beneath you - in the tall blades of grass - when i woke the world was new - i never had to ask

it’s a brand new day - the sun is shining - it’s a brand new day - for the first time - in such a long long time - i know - i’ll be ok

most kind of stories - save the best part for last - most stories have a hero who finds - you make your past your past - yea you make your past your past

it’s a brand new day - the sun is shining - it’s a brand new day - for the first time - in such a long long time - i know - i’ll be ok

this cycle never ends - gotta fall in order to mend

and it’s a brand new day - it’s a brand new day - for the first time - in such a long long time - i know - i’ll be ok

Sunday, November 16, 2008

much needed.

we had a happy weekend. it was much needed.

friday we went over to ben and celina's house. we had delicious barbecue ribs, many laughs, and got to play some euchre!

saturday our mailbox was filled with love. so many cards and things. one was a card from james' mom. she sent us some mad money, with strict instructions that it was to be used on a date.

all day i kept waiting for james to ask. at one time i thought he was about to, and all he did was belch. i thought "yep, he's mine."

finally he asked me, in a roundabout way. he knew i was waiting for him to ask me.

so we got a little dressed up. he even scrubbed his converse, and we were off. i know, he looks so thrilled in the pictures. :P i just finally felt like taking pictures again. plus i loved his outfit, and wanted to document it.

we went to dinner, played a game of pool, and went to the movies. it was so nice to get out, and just be together!

physically i think i pushed myself too much. i spent most of saturday before the date in bed. think we stayed out too late the night before. i have been crampy and sore, and relaxing.

also in the mailbox on saturday was a very thoughtful package from james' dad and stepmom. they sent a necklace with baby feet on it, that says "i have called you by name, you are mine" isaiah 43:1, and a little pocket token to remember our little one.

we are loved.

we cannot thank you all enough. i know i have tried, but seriously, we couldn't make it without the prayers, support, calls, cards, emails...

philippians 1:3.

also wanted to say congrats to my friend jessica and her husband sal. they just welcomed their first baby, joseph henry to the world! woohoo!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

turn, turn, turn.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

to everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose unto heaven. a time to be born and a time to die.

that along with the rest of the chapter was read and sung at our wedding. that was what the whole message was that day. aunt susie sent it has a reminder. very fitting.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


d&e is scheduled for 7:30am. we'll be there an hour before that. ben is coming to pray with us before i go in. i was mistaken with the d&c. they have to do the extraction part, since it didn't happen naturally. :(

keep praying.

laundry, dishes, dinner, grocery shopping, clean house, etc...all done.

and it's all thanks to james.

thank God for wonderful husbands.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

comfort and support.

since i still don't feel like typing much, i'll copy and paste a few messages or e-mails i shared. for those who would like to know what happened, or hear how we have been comforted.

i went to the doctor today, and they couldn't find a heartbeat. they did an ultrasound, sent me to the hospital, they did another, and discovered that the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. (i was almost 12)

so i have to go have a d&c on wednesday. my body still doesn't know, or hasn't recognized the loss. no bleeding, nothing. i was still getting pregnancy symptoms. 8 weeks was before our first doctor's appointment. almost a month ago, that freaks me out.

and since it hasn't fully happened yet, they are taking care of it on wednesday. they said i could let my body run it's course, but they don't recommend it because there is a risk for infection. i just feel like i am going in for an abortion, and that makes me sick.

they said since it happened so early it wasn't anything i did, or could have done to prevent it. more than likely the baby had downs, or turner's syndrome, and this was nature's way of protecting us. doctor called it nature, i say God.

it's all in God's plan. it wasn't our plan to get pregnant! it has been His plan all along. that is a comfort.

and an e-mail i sent home...

my friend called me tonight. she didn't know that i had been missing grandma and grandpa a lot more as of late.

and when she heard our most recent news she said..."shel, take comfort. just think, your grandpa is up there right now holding your baby with a big smile on his face."

it made me feel so much better. i had been praying for God to cradle our little one, but then i just got this image of grandma, grandpa, and james' grandma huddled around oohing and ahhing over there new great grandbaby.

i told james this and he said "but he was just a little thing" holding his fingers out to show how small the baby was.

i smiled and said "hey! grandpa can finally say that he really did hold a baby in the palm of his hand, and it's true this time!" (for those who don't know, after holding emma, he told everyone at the nursing home that he held her all day "just like this" and he held out his hand)

taking comfort in those moments.

thank you for your kind words. wish i could be with all of you gathered around sunday dinner. comfort food.

that same friend also told me that the only thing our baby ever knew was my warm belly, and the awesomeness of God's paradise. a place we all want to be.

that was a cool thought. our baby didn't have to experience this world. a world filled with pain, and hate, and cruel things.

just love. everlasting love.

since talking to her i have felt better. family being here and distracting me has helped, and james has been more than i can ask for. he is too wonderful. i have to remind myself to check on him, because it's his baby we lost too.

our pastor prayed for us in church this morning, and the church ladies were full of hugs, baked goods, and prayers. many of them shared that they had been through this too. i am so thankful for our church home.

then there are all the messages from all of you, emails, calls, texts. they help us smile, and remind us we are not alone.

this week will be tough, wednesday is going to be hard, so keep praying.

ahhh. guess i had some words in me.

thank you everyone. for your kindness. for being you.

Friday, November 7, 2008

since i can't say it...

i'll let these words speak for us.

my brother joshUA sent this song to james and i.

andrew peterson - lullaby

Well, I haven't got a lot to offer
Just a rhyme and a melody
But I promised I'd write if it took all night
A lullaby for thee

They say there ain't no sleeping in heaven
Baby, that don't mean that you can't dream
So when you close your eyes
Know your mother and I
Pray the Lord your soul to keep
And we never got the chance to hold you
And we never got to tell you goodnight
So we hope you can hear as Jesus cradles you near
Baby, this is your lullaby

So are you running with the angels?
Are you singing with the saints?
Are you throwing a ball against a heavenly wall
Maybe swinging on the pearly gates?

Well there's so much love between us
And so much that I wanna say
I wanna ramble awhile with my beautiful child
Baby, I can hardly wait...


Thursday, November 6, 2008

God is at work yet again...

ben, celina and aidan came over for a visit last night. james pulled out a couple of his old camp pictures. we were looking at the staff postcard and ben pointed out this one lady in the picture. he said there was a lady at church who looked familiar, and he was wondering if it was one of the staff members.

well, a couple weeks ago, at pastor bob's dinner this lady called me over and asked me about camp. she said she had gone there in 1997, and wondered if i knew tim jank. i thought she was just there for a retreat or something.

yep, it was the same girl from the postcard. her name is phyllis, and her and ben were on staff together!

so now our church has 2 staff members, and 2 campers from lutherhaven summer '97! crazy!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

maybe we should stay in georgia...

of the 5 counties (3 in indiana, 1 in texas, and 1 here in georgia) i have lived in for the last 4 years all but the one we are in now voted for barack.

the one we are in...was 75% mccain.

james on the other hand hasn't even been in the united states. we counted yesterday, and it was a little over a year out of the last four. of those 4 years, a lot of the time he wasn't around a tv, or computer, so he was a little lost on this election and decided not to vote.

speaking of not voting, my brother's friend shared this article with me, and i thought it was a pretty good read.

it was a different kind of vote for me this year. being an army wife, and knowing that this person would be the new commander in chief of the army. i felt like i was picking our guys boss, and not just our next president.

all i can say is i am proud of mccain, and who he is, what he did for our country, for serving.

and i pray barack leads us where we need to be. God put him in that position for a reason. also that our country can pull together. i hated all the political trash talking i saw. you have your views, i have mine.

let's just move forward.

(and i am up so early because james just left for pt, and i can never fall back asleep!)

Monday, November 3, 2008

ah kids!

yesterday was ben's first service, and later in the day his installation. we spent most of the day at church, and enjoyed a dinner afterward.

you should know, like most pastor's who are leaving, pastor bob told the congregation that he doesn't want to hear anyone say "that's not how pastor bob did it!" or something of the like.

well, during the children's sermon ben introduced himself and said "you can call me pastor ben." and taught the kids how to say his last name. which included a bunch of kids going "how-PT!" and spitting all over the place.

then he told the kids he wanted to know all of their names. they took turns and all 20 some shared. when they were done he said..."now, i won't remember all those right now. eventually i'll learn them all, but do you know someone who DOES know your name?"

at the exact same time one kid exclaims "Jesus!" and the kid next to him says...


haha. welcome ben!

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