Friday, November 29, 2019

how a recovering perfectionist takes on Christmas.

alternately titled a sentimentalist realizes traditions come and go.

sometimes i sit and wonder how we got to where we are.

i used to place each ornament carefully on the tree.

make sure everything was just right.

obsess over details on things that most people wouldn't notice.

now i look at the Christmas tree that has ornaments tossed haphazardly and my heart is full.

i guess the easy answer is i had a child.

and another.

and another.

and another.

little by little they pecked away at those ocd tendencies that i thought were rooted deep.

another thought is that i and my dreams were uprooted.

from indiana, from georgia, from korea, from indiana, and finally to western nebraska.

with that went some ideas and traditions that we had, that we just couldn't keep.

in georgia, it was spending Christmas morning at our home.

in korea we had to settle for an artificial tree.

in indiana i thought we had it all figured out. our little home we built. our church. our Christmas tree farm. family close and able to stay in jammies on Christmas day.

then we were uprooted again and landed here.

i cried over the tree that first Christmas here.

broke down in the garage to my poor husband.

it was hard to lose some of our precious traditions. instead of Robert's Christmas Tree Farm, we settled for menards or bomgaars.

instead of being surrounded by family, we had each other.

but little by little we began our own new traditions. in this place, with these people.

this year, we didn't even pick up a tree together. i called james and he shoved one in his tiny toyota and brought it home.

and it was ok.

Eliza helped with the garland.

and it was ok.

i handed the kids most of the ornaments, and only adjusted a few.

and it was ok.

it was more than ok! i got to to sit back with my love and watch our children flit around excitedly.

there were no arguments when setting up the tree stand. no grumpiness. no annoyed spouses or whiny kids.

they even almost had me convinced to leave it in the middle of the room, "so we can see every side!"

i'm not there yet, but it sure is fun letting them take the lead!

i hope they remember the fun we have together, and the traditions are just an added bonus.

we got this...because we have each other.

side note - james will probably laugh at this, because i am still crazy about certain things, and he is currently building a table for my mom's Christmas village i inherited. this was after he hung the classic c9 glass bulbs on our house, complaining about each one that was burned out. sorry dude! ;)  i'm trying!

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