Sunday, November 20, 2011

a simple question.

"do you have any other kids?" or in the case today (said to eliza) "do you have any brothers or sisters?"

james and i have talked about that question. especially after losing delia. how would we answer it if/when someone asks.

"um...erm...well, yes...uh not with us. they're, well, in heaven."

that would make anyone feel uncomfortable. we didn't want to throw people off and make them feel like they asked the wrong thing, but we didn't want to discount our babies. we felt guilty for leaving them out.

james said something along the lines of "if you answer with confidence i think people will be okay with it. it's if you stumble that would make it awkward."

so i practiced. in my head. "yes. two in heaven." "yes, but not with us." "only her here on earth." "her and two angel babies."

i hadn't been asked yet. i was waiting. i knew it was bound to happen.

then today, the day after we had an unfortunate ultrasound with pebble, eliza gets asks. how does she answer? with a confident "yes!"

phew, dodged that one.

until the cashier looked at me like "does she really?"

"um...well, yes. the others are just in heaven. she, uh...lost a sister. this august. and, well...yea...that's her sister."

i couldn't get out of there fast enough. i appreciated the "i'm sorry. i haven't experienced that, but i saw my mom go through it" reply, but i needed out.

why today? why? as i'm picking up stuff to for what i'm going through losing pebble. i have to face that question for the first time?

thanks God.


Natalie said...

<3 thoughts are with you and it is okay to be pissed off. How could you not be? <3

Alyssa said...

Love to you.

Erin said...

A coworker of mine lost his oldest daughter when she was seven. He said when people ask him how many kids he has, he just says four. His wife flawlessly says, 'four girls on earth, one in heaven,' but he can't make his mouth say those words. It's okay if you can't, Shel. Delia knows she belongs to you and so do your other babies.

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