Monday, November 21, 2011

enough already.

that's my prayer. haven't You put me/us through enough?

i hate who i'm becoming. i hate being this bitter person. i used to be happy...a lot.

You don't think sexual abuse, our horrible break up, deployments, all the army moves, one miscarriage, one infant loss was enough?

you have to beat me with this too?

why?

if i am honest with myself i know He isn't doing it to hurt me. it wasn't His plan. His plan was for a perfect world, but this side of heaven we won't see that.

we fell. we caused this pain.

but why must i have so much?

i want to blame Him. i'm mad.

5 comments:

Stephanie Hildebrandt said...

shel, it's o.k. to be mad. i'll help you scream, we'll see who can scream the loudest. i love you a bushel and a peck :) you can get thru this, remember phil 4:13

Emily Cook said...

A thought from CS Lewis
"...when pain it to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all."
(Lewis, the Problem of Pain)

We stand with you and give you all the sympathy and love we can muster.

Praying also that God Himself will give you that tincture of grace that you need to get through this day, this hour.

Carrie Dettmer said...

Praying for you.

The Farm said...

James & Shel, Just don't know what to say to you two. I'm sure you're sick of everyone saying it was meant to be...you're so strong...it was God's plan...I have no answer for why He gives some more to bear than others. I think about Grandma Helen and all the pain she endured...not the same kind as this, but the physical pain she went through all those years...raising all those kids. Just keep your chin up...and keep the faith...one day at a time. Love you bunches.

Amy and Mark said...

Praying continously for you all. We are thankful for all the moments you have had with each of your babies, athough it seems you have had so few. Take comfort in knowing there is a whole network of us, and as you can see from those who leave comments here even some you do not know, who are praying for you. Always.

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