Friday, March 9, 2018

spoiling hattie.

just wanted to remember this conversation with eliza...

after another hattie whine at bedtime, i was saying good night to eliza.

eliza - i just don't understand why she does that. it makes me mad.

me - i know. i don't understand either, but she is learning. you just need to keep showing her how to act, and hopefully she will figure the world out. do you know why daddy thinks she acts like that?

eliza - why?

me - because i spoiled her when she was a baby.

eliza - MAMA!

me - what?! sorry, i did.

eliza - how? why?

me - well, a lot of moms are nervous with their first kid. they fuss and worry, but i wasn't like that with you. i learned a lot from watching aunt tammy, and it was just fun. i was never nervous. then we lost delia, and you know what? when we had hattie, i was scared. i was nervous and i worried a lot. and she liked to be held, so i held her, because you didn't like to be. i gave her what she wanted, and spoiled her. but guess what else?

eliza - what?

me - you spoil her too.

eliza - errrgggh...i know, but i like to be nice!

Saturday, February 3, 2018

another plan that wasn't ours.

train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. proverbs 22:6

let's go back to when james was in the army. you could have heard me say things like "i just want to be settled by the time the kids are in school." at that time we only had eliza and it would be years before she would begin. little did i know, james would get called into the ministry and a new life of uncertainty would be upon us. 

eliza started kindergarten in our comfortable country lutheran school. i was all set for her to be there throughout. to one day have her aunt as her teacher. to share recess and lunch with her cousins and best friend. 

God had other plans. 

plans that would start by taking us to western nebraska. 

the days, weeks, months before call day i said that a school was at the top of my list. sure distance would be hard, but we had been to korea after all. i just wanted a lutheran school, and i wanted the kids to be settled and not have to switch schools.

so when we heard the words crawford and harrison nebraska, in the wyoming district, i was shocked. the distance must be great, but my initial prayer was "please let there be a school." and i was disappointed when we found out there wasn't one.

"i will NEVER homeschool."

that was another thing i often said. sure my degree was in early childhood. i could handle preschool, but i did not have the patience to teach my own children past that. 

and yet here we are. diving in to that world.

when we moved out here, eliza started at the public school, and it's been a great experience. she has had wonderful teachers, but that hasn't stopped us from wanting more. we knew when she left the lutheran school setting we were going to have to pick up some new routines at home. i wanted her to still have that education. memory work, bible lessons. we have since begun matins in the morning, and learning the catechism at night. it has helped us. it has brought us together as a family, but also made that desire for more grow stronger.

we discussed homeschooling last summer, but it was late in the game, and i was so scared to move eliza again. 3 schools in 3 years? when i always wanted them to be settled, we can't drop this bomb on her. so back to public school she went. hattie is preschool age now, and so we tested the waters. we bought a curriculum and did a formal junior kindergarten with her at home. see how it goes, and maybe this would be something we could do in the future. 

between that, and what we are doing as a family, i am just blown away.

to hear your 3 year old recite the books of the bible, or your 5 year old belt out the venite, or your 8 year old tell you the meaning of the 10 commandments, it sparks something.

i realize more and more that they only get this one chance at an education. i want more for them, not state standards, but ours. and if we can't be in a place where a school is, we can make one. we can do this, and we can do it together!

i never imagined we would be here. not only in western nebraska, but also facing a year of homeschool. 

i realize that He had this plan all along. because of it we get to be active and involved in training our children.

what a blessing that is!

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

17 years ago...

i was a 17 year old girl. volunteering at camp for 2 weeks.

i met a boy.

we shared my first kiss.

and life would never be the same.

that's the short story.

but there is so much more.

i documented everything in my journals.

we exchanged numbers. home numbers.

we kept in touch through icq, aim, and yahoo messenger. yes...icq.

i didn't have my license so ma had to drive me an hour to visit him.

we'd swing through the drive thru of burger king just so he and i could flirt.

he came to my homecoming dance.

we thought ahead and lied about his age, so when the time came he could go to my prom.

we left messages on answering machines.

we wrote notes...not texts.

he was there at my graduation open house.

he helped move me in to my dorm freshman year.

we held hands on the night of 9-11.

we held each other.

we couldn't get in touch over the phone when my roommate was on the internet.

we went to my first frat party.

we took selfies without being able to see them instantly.

we fell in love.

but i was young...and he was younger.

and we broke up.

i drowned myself in dashboard confessional and incubus.

i wrote poems.

i wrote letters to him that i'd never send.

i burned his stuff and he got rid of mine.

i was a brokenhearted college kid. it was insufferable.

(seriously, reading my journals, i'm pretty sure i defined emo.)

years passed.

we got lost in others.

we both grew up.

we found ourselves.

but neither one of us forgot.

and then myspace happened.

and we found each other.

a slow restart, but a restart.

now a college graduate and a soldier.

letters written.

yahoo video chat.


cell phone calls.


a deployment.

10 years ago he proposed.

he was in afghanistan, and i was in indiana.

things were still difficult, but we were together.

right where we were supposed to be all along.

more years have passed.

and i still can't believe that i get to be with that cute workboy from camp.


p.s. alone in my car tonight, i listened to that dashboard cd. i could still belt every. single. word.

Monday, May 29, 2017

remembering...not celebrating.

8 years ago i was a new army wife. there was a baby in my belly. we went to a memorial day service in georgia. i remember being filled with pride for my soldier. i'm sure i was smiling.

3 years ago (in march) i was no longer an army wife. there was a baby in my belly, and two by my side. we went to a funeral in georgia. the same cemetery as before. i remember being filled with sadness for my friend. i'm sure i was crying.

there is nothing more humbling than a military funeral.

it changed everything.

i've seen a lot of memes about how it's not "happy memorial day" i'm sure i've said that at some point in my life. now i realize that this day is more than that. to the families left behind that word "happy" really stings.

be careful with your words.

instead, pray for the husbands and wives, the parents, the children, siblings...let them know that you remember. go to a service. put out your flag. be thankful that there are people out there willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.

this year i'm a pastor's wife. there are three kids by my side. we went to a service at a cemetery. james got the honor to speak. i reminded the kids why we are going. who we are honoring. that we are remembering. not celebrating.
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Friday, November 11, 2016

dinovember and bible journaling.

two things that have given my mind a break from the world this november. 

on tuesday, before eliza went to bed she wanted to know who was elected president. i told her i would tell her in the morning. then i remembered we had some presidential flashcards and instead she woke up to this...

after sharing on fb, and the kids waking up and discovering what the dinosaurs did, i added "this became a great teaching moment and if i was more articulate i could explain better. went to bed reading posts like "what do i tell my child now?" and reminiscing of that election 8 years ago. pregnant with our first baby and thinking "do we really want to bring kids into this world?" but then as they took turns holding up cards and testing my u.s. history, i thought "this isn't the first time parents went to bed wondering what to say to their kids, and it certainly won't be the last last." but i am my kids mama, not anyone else. i can teach them, show them, love them. the world is not ending because of this. life will continue as it did 8 years ago, and all the years before. so what do i tell my kids? "we have a new president. history was made. the world may be scary at times, but we have the comfort of knowing this world is not our home. He has a far better plan than any of us can imagine."

and He does! and i will teach them, show them, and love them.

which brings me to bible journaling. as the election drew closer, i found myself in His word more. just praying, focusing, thinking of our country and it's future. i journaled a few different pages. one specifically for the election. i messed it up so many times, but joked that it gave me more time to pray.

focused on the verse...

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Romans 12:12

and then the last few days happened. and i went back to my bible. flipped open to this page again, and realized it was perfectly placed next to another page i had done. this one back in april.

focused on the verse...

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6

and right smack between the two is "do not pass judgement on one another" in chapter 14. you should read it. good stuff!

all i have to say is "wow God." thank you for always leading me to your Word. my prayer is that others would be brought to it too.

and because it's veteran's day...go thank one, our dinosaurs did. ;)

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