Sunday, August 11, 2013

page 15 and page 184.

if you aren't lutheran, that probably doesn't mean anything to you.

if you are lutheran it may mean a lot to you. depending on the church you grew up in/attend now.

for means a lot.

some of my earliest memories are from sitting in church, listening to everyone sing, and sing, and sing from page 15 in the lutheran hymnal.

sitting on ma's lap, facing her, with my head resting on her chest. listening to her voice. singing what i was thought was the sweetest sounds.

then when i got older following my her finger pointing to the words. flipping the pages, back and forth, back and forth.

still older, being proud that i didn't need to hold the hymnal anymore. i knew it all by heart, every word, spoken or sung.

and so it went...and now goes. (thanks to page 184 in the lutheran service book)

only now i have my own babies to hold. to sing to. to watch try and follow along.

as we walked into church today i smiled and passed hattie off to james. thinking to myself today, he can hold her, my arms are tired from her and her 20pounds that barely let me put her down. 

church is about the only time that she let's puts up with james holding her.

we found our way into church, and since we were late we had to sit in the last row. chairs set up because the pews were overflowing.

growing up we were always made to go against every fiber of our lutheran ways and sit in the front row. ma claimed the four of us were better behaved if pastor could see us. so now, we do the same, or try to. eliza is used to it, hattie (hopefully) will be.

but today, it was the back row, and when we stood, eliza wanted to see. since my arms were free, she wanted up. awesome, there goes my plan of getting a break, let's just add 10 more pounds!

we started the service, confessing, singing, and as she faced me, played with my necklace, burrowed in to my neck, i was taken back to those blue and red pews of my childhood.

she snuggled in, i couldn't help but sing into her ear. then she tried. soft at first, singing random la'la'las. then really trying, catching the last words of each line, singing as best as she could.

my heart swelled.

it's not the first time she has really tried. usually she is standing though, holding hymnal, adjusting the weight of it, shifting, looking at pastor, looking at us, looking at the wrong page, but trying.

james and i usually steal glances and just smile. that is our girl, our little lutheran, finding her way in the church.

thank you Lord for letting us be parents to her. thank you also for our own parents that raised us in the church and taught us Your way. for singing. for being models. for being there...every the front row.

my family at our first church. st. michael's in hebron, indiana...the one with the blue pews.
eliza at church in korea.


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