Wednesday, January 9, 2013

a friend that knows.

you hate to have a friend that knows the pain of losing a child, because you don't want anyone else to know that feeling, but at the same time you find comfort that there is someone that gets it.

it's hard.

when we moved back from korea we settled in to church here, had delia, lost delia, found a house, and started renovating.

i remember the day i heard about this other girl, family of a lot of church members, that just got terrible news at their ultrasound. not anencephaly, but potter's syndrome. another new disease to add to my vocabulary.

i was asked if we could be a contact if she needed someone.

i wondered if they had any other kids and was told they have a little girl that was almost two...same as eliza.

i remember looking up through the joists where james was working in the attic and telling him about her, and asking for him to pray too.

we heard about their loss that november, just 3 months after delia came.

the following spring i joined a friend at a mops (mother's of preschoolers) meeting. fell in love. and anxiously waited to join that fall. my friend said "oh, and carissa comes, you know her right?" i replied "carissa?" and was then reminded that is the girl that lost a daughter around the same time as us.

i wondered if we would be able to connect. if it would be too hard, or if it would be a comfort. would she want to hang out with me? another grieving mom?

towards the end of the summer mops hosted a donuts and lemonade morning. you could come and meet other moms before the year officially began.

i met my group leader, who also had suffered a loss, a daughter, emma, around 24 weeks. her loss was not as recent as ours, but still just as painful. that pain never fades i'm afraid.

then she introduced me to my "shepherd mom" the mom that had been there before and would show me around at the first meeting. her name? carissa.

wow, God!

i walked across the playground, and noticed that she was pregnant, just like me.

we talked that day, and didn't hold anything back, it was nice to release fears, hurts, stories about our angel girls, our almost 3 year olds, and the babies in our bellies.

since that day our friendship has grown, and i just thank God that he brought us together. our girls are in the same class, and talk about each other quite often. they know the special bond they share, and that their sisters are in heaven. they talk about how they play up there. it's bittersweet.

and today? today, carissa begins a new chapter. she's at the hospital and her new little girl will be here soon!

we've both been anxious about having another, after losing our girls. worried about all sorts of things, just being back at the hospital, having two at home, wondering how life will change, the emotions...

i am just thankful for our similar stories, and that God brought us together here.

praying today. knowing that hannah is watching over her family and smiling at new life!

psalm 46:10


Karen said...

Great Post! Like we were talking yesterday, unless someone has walked down our similar path... it is very hard to connect and understand. Like you said, you don't want them to have to understand or experience it. So excited for Carissa and for you and your family as you go through your last month carrying fawn. ;)

jackie said...

What a beautiful post. You both are so blessed to know each other and lean on each other.

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