Saturday, September 29, 2012

mail time!

i know i still have to post her 3rd birthday party, but i wanted to share one of her special presents.

james built her a clubhouse, and while he was worried about just finishing the thing, everyone else (me included!) seemed to fuss over the little details.

"will there be flower boxes?"

"a mailbox?"

"a doorbell?"


and so on.

the answer was always..."no, not yet."

so in stepped aunt whitney to make one of those a reality, and of course, cuteness abounds!

i had told her that we didn't have mailbox plans, but i already thought her address should be 9129 since her birthday is 9.12.09

she remembered, and made some extra fun things for eliza.

an eliza mail bag...some foam envelopes with a velcro closure...and laminated cards and paper. with those came dry erase markers so she could write letters over and over.

yesterday i needed eliza out of my hair for a few seconds so i said "did you check your mail today?" she is always concerned if i don't check the mail every single time i pull into the drive. and the amount of time we spend at the post "hoffice" each week for paper lullaby is a little ridiculous. so this girl is crazy about mail...just like her mama.

she got super excited, ran outside, checked, came in and yelled "nope! none today!"

i told her "maybe you'll get some tomorrow?!"

so last night after she went to bed i made james fill out a postcard and i wrote a note and deposited them in her box.

she was thrilled this afternoon when i asked her if she checked her mail yet.

i can see this becoming a thing!

this card carrying member of the lwa is proud!

i love the details of the addresses and of course, the return address of her bff wowa. (enola)

thanks aunt whit! (aka aunt witty!)

sleep talker.

someone has started having dreams.
she hasn't talked about them while she's awake, but since we're currently sharing a room we get to hear the random things she talks about in her sleep.

last week at 3am she started yelling "where's my juice box?" and "i need goldfish!"
"honey, it's the middle of the night. you're 3. i'm done with middle of the night feedings for you!"

and last night, my obsessed with peter pan girl started crying. "where is peter?!"
i stumble over "what baby?"
"peter pan! where is peter pan?"
:thinking is this a test?:
"ummm neverland?"
"where is peter pan? peter?!"
"the second star to the right...or is it left...or...with jake? go to sleep."

Saturday, September 22, 2012

an open letter to motherhood maternity.

i understand why you do what you do.

give excited moms little goodies in their shopping bags.

a pacifier, a bottle, coupons...

i was that excited mom once.

it was a nice little treat. something extra to look at and dream about using while holding my baby in my arms.

but guess what? not all mamas get to hold their babies in their arms. or if they do, it's not for very long.

and here is the thing...we still need maternity clothes.

i remember being thankful when i was pregnant with delia (you can read her story here) that we were in korea. a place where i didn't have to face the overly happy cashiers at those stores.

i could order any maternity clothes online (because we all know americans do not fit in korean clothes!) and open them in the comfort of our apartment.

something nice to dress a bump that i desperately wished would never go away.

but that day had to come, she arrived, and in moments she was gone.

no pacifiers, no bottles, no formula, diapers, breastmilk were needed. we didn't need coupons for baby items as nice as that would have been. that didn't get to be part of our plan.

none of this was our plan.

and so, now pregnant again, and back in the states, i had my first visit to your store.

i was reminded that it's not always joyous.

some mamas don't have that excitement. they may be expecting a loss, they may be giving their child up for adoption. they may just not want the extra junk. we don't like to use pacifiers, we cloth diaper, i nurse.

so today i declined all of the extras, and got the strangest looks. "but, it's coupons! for diapers!" "you can get a free bottle!"

"no thank you."

"do you want _______?"

"no thank you."

and so on.

i wish they weren't just automatically included.

i remembered to ask for them not to be put in my bag because i heard you tell the lady in front of me that there was a free pacifier in her bag.

if i would not have remembered from the first time, and if it was when i was pregnant with our sweet delia, it would have played out like this.

awkwardly purchase clothes with a fake smile on my face.

thank the lady.

bring them home.

pull them out of the bag.

see the pacifier.

cry that she would never need one.

i know it's not something you think of until you experience something like that, but it's the little things.

those little reminders that are so bitter.

please ask if we want them, and if we don't, be okay with that.

let it go.

don't push it.

thank you,

from any mama that has been stuck in those awkward moments.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

happy 3rd birthday...

eliza june!

we had such a fun time at your mermaid party today!

you are the sweetest bean!

i'll write your birthday post later!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


remembering to breathe. that is key.

so thankful for great news today!

showing off the new round of fawn pics.
she was a tad annoyed that i pulled her away from mickey mouse and grapes to snap these pics before it got too dark.

or maybe she was just thinking "it's going to live with us?"

when i told her we were going to the doctor today to see fawn again she said "fawn don't want to be in you belly?"

hate this...


don't wear the purple shirt, you wore that last time.

and even though it's more comfortable to lie down if your hair isn't up, last time you inhaled a strand during a deep sob and made yourself sick.

don't feed eliza yogurt, wouldn't want the day to begin like that again.

she probably should leave that buddy at home, it was with her that day.

should she even come? she was there last time, what if...

what if...

big ultrasound this afternoon.

big worries from me.

james is calm.

i need him to be.

i struggle with not wanting to look at the screen until she says something, and searching it for relief before she does.

hate that it is this way.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

sweet eliza.

"you color wiff me mama!"

"we'll color forever together, right mama?!"

i can only hope.

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