Saturday, September 22, 2012

an open letter to motherhood maternity.

i understand why you do what you do.

give excited moms little goodies in their shopping bags.

a pacifier, a bottle, coupons...

i was that excited mom once.

it was a nice little treat. something extra to look at and dream about using while holding my baby in my arms.

but guess what? not all mamas get to hold their babies in their arms. or if they do, it's not for very long.

and here is the thing...we still need maternity clothes.

i remember being thankful when i was pregnant with delia (you can read her story here) that we were in korea. a place where i didn't have to face the overly happy cashiers at those stores.

i could order any maternity clothes online (because we all know americans do not fit in korean clothes!) and open them in the comfort of our apartment.

something nice to dress a bump that i desperately wished would never go away.

but that day had to come, she arrived, and in moments she was gone.

no pacifiers, no bottles, no formula, diapers, breastmilk were needed. we didn't need coupons for baby items as nice as that would have been. that didn't get to be part of our plan.

none of this was our plan.

and so, now pregnant again, and back in the states, i had my first visit to your store.

i was reminded that it's not always joyous.

some mamas don't have that excitement. they may be expecting a loss, they may be giving their child up for adoption. they may just not want the extra junk. we don't like to use pacifiers, we cloth diaper, i nurse.

so today i declined all of the extras, and got the strangest looks. "but, it's coupons! for diapers!" "you can get a free bottle!"

"no thank you."

"do you want _______?"

"no thank you."

and so on.

i wish they weren't just automatically included.

i remembered to ask for them not to be put in my bag because i heard you tell the lady in front of me that there was a free pacifier in her bag.

if i would not have remembered from the first time, and if it was when i was pregnant with our sweet delia, it would have played out like this.

awkwardly purchase clothes with a fake smile on my face.

thank the lady.

bring them home.

pull them out of the bag.

see the pacifier.

cry that she would never need one.

i know it's not something you think of until you experience something like that, but it's the little things.

those little reminders that are so bitter.

please ask if we want them, and if we don't, be okay with that.

let it go.

don't push it.

thank you,

from any mama that has been stuck in those awkward moments.


Steph said...

Thanks for the insight, I never would have thought about it like that :)

tngalntx said...

You said it so very well... I was not mother but grandmother in this situation. And, of course, I wanted to take my daughter shopping, tickle the baby, plan for her bedroom....all the things I did for my children. I would get so excited and then be backlashed with reality. It's like waiting to be kissed by your date with your eyes closed, imagining how sensious it will be with emotions eeking from our chemistry then opening your eyes and realizing that he has turned and walked away.

Hard is not the correct terminology. Unimmaginable. But, it's okay to give yourself permission to feel all the rushes of emotion that you do. Make sure you embrace them all; it is not the last time in life you will feel a loss.

I pray for all those who have had this experience, whether it be mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents, aunts or uncles. Friends of those who are expecting. Those who experience this must realize there will be a better day. Life throws some hard punches but it also gives wonderful gifts as well.

Erik said...

The world is full of hurt, and reminders of past hurt are all around us, all the time.

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