Tuesday, June 26, 2012

this apartment.

you know, the one we were only supposed to be in for a short while?

the one above our friend's garage.

the one that has only one bedroom, so we had to share with eliza.

that one that i didn't want to be in when delia came.

i wanted my own bed to curl up in. our own stuff surrounding me. our own home to be in.

this apartment that we moved into last july.

well, it's almost time to leave.

i started packing stuff up today.

found all those memories i hid away.

the books from friends that i want to read but it was just too soon.

my medical records from korea. the ones stating that word anencephaly for the first time.

i found hundreds of cards from sweet people.

pictures, notes, funeral plans, footprints, blankets, gifts, all things i planned to deal with a different day.

not today.

and i didn't expect it to be so hard.

to leave this place.

the place we lived when she was born.

the place we spent our last days together in.

the couch i laid on and timed contractions.

the tiny apartment that was filled with so much love and support as we planned her funeral.

if leaving korea wasn't hard enough. now we're leaving her other home.

and this one comes with a supportive friend right down the stairs.

one that had a baby girl the day before delia.

one that remembers all the days that are probably hard.

one that bakes delicious treats.

and has sweet kids that eliza just adores.

how can it be so hard to leave a place that was supposed to be so temporary?

oh Lord go with us, bless our new home that james built. fill it with love and life.


jackie said...

Amen. Praying for you tonight.

Patty said...

Thinking of you tonight. Just remember that the memories will go with you and your new home is already filled with love and laughter and life. It is a new beginning and God is always with you.

Mo said...


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