Friday, April 20, 2012

"yeave the door open"

those four words drive me (and james) up the wall.

as we say her bedtime prayers (she usually fills in the blanks...)

me - "now i lay me down to ______"
eliza - butting in "yeave the door open"
me - "...sleep. i pray the _______"
eliza - "yeave it open mama"
me - "...Lord, my soul to ______"


reading her a book...

me - "goodnight clocks, and goodnight socks"
eliza - "yeave the door open"


saying goodnight...

me - "kisses..."
eliza - one kiss "yeave it open."
me - "more kisses."
eliza - two more kisses. "yeave the door open mama"


then yesterday, driving down the road to james' softball game.

me - driving, singing along to the radio.
eliza - randomly shouts from the backseat..."yeave the door open!"


dude. relax. i will LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN!

big imagination.

eliza has found hers and it's pretty entertaining.

she's been using her imagination for awhile, but it's really exploded lately.

we often have a puppy in our house. one that needs lots of ear scratches and pats on the head.

yesterday she kept herself busy for quite awhile being a mom.

first you should know that her cousin enola is "wowa" and deandra is "dandra" then there is "whitty" (whitney) and "untle dav." also we still have the pack n' play set up in our bedroom from when i watched them the other day.

so yesterday she named her bitty baby "dandra" and her blonde haired doll "wowa"

our evening went like this...

"wowa needs to seep."

"i read to wowa."

(this is when i snuck in thinking i knew what scene i was going to happen upon. when i saw it i could feel my heart swell.)

"dandra needs to go to the crib."

"dandra needs blocks"

"shhh. quiet dandra!"

"wowa wants to watch a movie." (mmhhmm...sure!)

"this movie...wowa wants to watch." (making "wowa" hold her jonah movie)

"wowa needs dinner."

"wowa sit here." (in my chair at the table!)

"wowa needs chocolate milk."

holding up tigger..."this is whitty."

holding up her puppy..."this is untle dav." :)

she'd read to them, snuggle them, tell them to go to seep and close the door.

then come right back in and say "ood mornin!"

it was the sweetest thing.

this morning i found all of her buddies watching a movie on the couch.

oh, i believe we're going to have some fun adventures!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

new kind of hard.

in korea i didn't want to go anywhere without james or tori after that ultrasound.

army wives talk.

i didn't need the whispers or glances.

i wanted to be near family. people who understood.

i was thankful for the few close friends i had there. i found the cards that came with flowers as i was flipping through my bible at bible study tonight.


here it's a different kind of hard.

our church friends know. they have always been wonderful.

then there is everyone else. the workers at hobby lobby, storytime moms, gymnastics instructors, people at the playground, bank tellers...

they are all clueless.

they have no idea that we have another daughter. that i was in the same boat, pregnant with my second. the pain we went through.

i feel like i have this big secret and i hate it.

i want everyone to know, without the awkward talk.

i want her to be here.

i want to struggle with her and eliza.

i want to say her name. outloud. every day.

i want to hear it.

to hear her.

whitney said enola randomly smiled and said "mommy, delia!" on the ride home. it was the first time she talked about her.

i smiled because we hadn't talked about her that day. or read her book.

i smiled because maybe eliza did.

Monday, April 16, 2012


4 years ago we had a very special homecoming.

not this one...this homecoming was over 11 years ago, and it was in the fall. :)

this one happened in april...

it was james' second deployment. we went in as a reunited couple, and came out engaged.

it was the longest 15 months of my life.

from the time he left to go back after r&r it had been 360 days since we saw each other.

i don't know how we survived, and came out stronger, but we did!

i remember the last few weeks before he came home.

the anticipation. the planning. the daydreaming.

one of the things i did to occupy the last few nights of waiting was to make him a welcome home sign.

for me it was fun. i know that a lot of people aren't crafty, or don't like crafting. so i got to thinking.

in honor of our special month, i'm going to make welcome home banners for any military family that needs/wants one.

if you have a loved one coming home just email me. i'll make it free of charge. a thank you from me...i cannot thank military families enough. i know how it is, and i respect each of you!

here is the banner you'll receive. i made my first one tonight, and i'm excited to share!

paperlullabystore at gmail dot com

please only order if/when you have a loved one coming home. that way i don't get bombarded, and can make them for those that are on their way home soon!

Thursday, April 12, 2012


or a wannabe escapee.

before her prayers are even over she says "yeave it open. yeave it open, mama!"

then begins the battle of "stay in bed" and "yeave it open"

she tries to sneak peaks at what we are doing.

"go back to bed, or i'll close the door."

"nooooo yeave it open!"

tonight she won.

i walked in, hit her with door and just about stepped on her.

daddy's sweaters make good pillows.

it'll be interesting to see how this plays out when we move to the house and she gets her own room...upstairs.

Monday, April 9, 2012

her third Easter.

she dyed eggs. dropped them in and said "it's done!" 2 seconds later. before the dye soaked in.

put her basket in the yard for the bunny to find, fill, and hide.

she walked around trying to find the right spot, and said "BUNNY! here bunny!"

she searched that morning, but kept getting distracted.

went up for the children's message. just observed.

hung on my legs while her newest cousin became a child of God.

took her sandals off and had a front row view to watch the water come down.

went up for communion with me. received a blessing. circled around and went back up with nana steph for a second blessing. must have needed it!

didn't believe us when we told her the kite would fly in the sky.

searched for eggs...the ones she dyed...and licked each one as she picked them up.

entertained us.

looked at me for permission to hug and kiss aelah. gave her a tiny, gentle pat, with a lot of space between them.

it was a great weekend celebrating His resurrection, and new life in Christ!

Friday, April 6, 2012

paper lullaby 505 fan giveaway.

i should be working on things for the spring craft fair.

i really should be sleeping.

i should have done this giveaway 5 fans ago when i hit 500.

yet, here i sit...crafting a banner i really want to keep.

it has many layers, some extra stitching details (on the stems and kite) a lot of cuteness, and love.

since i like you, and you've been oh so good to me...i (guess) i'll share!

here's the deal...

1. like paper lullaby on the fb if you haven't already.
2. share with your friends (on your blog, or your own fb) if you'd be oh so kind!
3. comment here and tell me what is keeping you from what you should be doing.
4. wait patiently until tuesday (4pm est) when i'll announce the winner.

happy night!

i'm off to sleep...


i love when she sleeps like this.

unknowingly showing me that she does still have "baby" in her.

reminding me of sweeter, less tantrum filled days.

that cute little butt. the one that i longed to squeeze when i constantly pushed on as it was lodged in my ribs.

i call her "baby eliza"

she corrects me, "no, ziza"

"yep, baby ziza!"

"no, june...ziza june"

my big girl.

the one that can still fit in her "big sister" jammies and says "deeya!" when i pull them over her head.

i love the little glimpses of innocence after a rough day.

i need them...and them.

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