Saturday, March 31, 2012

number twenty two.

this time last year eliza and i were getting ready to make the long trip back to korea.

we flew home with open ended tickets to visit and especially to be with grandma. she had been sick for awhile, in hospice, and everyone thought she'd be dancing with Jesus soon.

we weren't sure how long we were going to be there, but decided no later than april.

we had recently found out i was pregnant with delia when we left at the end of january.

i was sick on the plane, and sick most of the time we visited.

it was still worth it.

we got another 4 generations picture together.

i assumed it would be our last.

the end of march came, and we were the ones saying goodbye. grandma was still fighting.

i told her i loved her, thinking it would be the last time i kissed her.

in may we got that news on that ultrasound.

we scrambled to get home as soon as we could.

we made it back to the states in the middle of july.

delia came a month later...a month earlier than expected.

grandma was still here.

she made the trip down for delia's funeral and got the chance to hold her 22nd great grandchild.

when they wheeled her into the church i saw a side of her i had never seen before.

she was overcome with emotion and couldn't get her hands on delia fast enough.

we had to be careful when passing delia. the way her body was. grandma didn't want to be careful...she wanted her!

then tears.

and pictures.

then the funeral.

that was august 25th.

on september 11th grandma put on her special shoes...left this world...danced with Jesus.

being at her funeral was harder than i thought.

of course her passing was expected, something we had been preparing for.

still, being back in a church, for the same reason, this time to celebrate someone who lived a full life. singing some of those same hymns.

it was hard.

afterwards a lady came up to me. she told me she had been praying for us and gave her sympathies...not only for grandma, but delia too.

she said she struggled with whether or not she should tell me something, but she had to.

i immediately typed it onto my phone so i wouldn't forget.

this is what she said...

your grandma just loved your delia. she talked to me about seeing her and holding her. she said "that was the greatest gift, to hold delia. it's hard for me to cry, but holding her just sobbing i said, God you would be that good to me. to let me get the chance to hold her. to let me hold on, to hold her."

what a gift, to hear that at grandma's funeral.

my brother said it had to be weird for grandma to be at delia's funeral. knowing that she would be following soon. she would be seeing her in heaven before any of us. she would get to hold her again...soon!

to know that delia has someone up there who held her here on earth and in heaven...that is a great feeling!

i miss them both, but i bet they are having fun.


Nicolasa @ {My}Perspective said...


momv said...

oh shel, this made me cry all over again and i thank God he gave her that time, and i also thank God that steph and elden made sure she was able to be there, it wasn't the easiest thing for them in the end, but they knew how important it was to grandma and they would have done anything to get her there. Thank you Jesus for giving me my family that cares so deeply for others. i love <>< +

Emily Cook said...

what a gift , shel. Thank you for sharing it with us. Droplets of grace, even during such a hard time.

nancy said...

i don't know if i told you this...
but I saw another side of her that day too.

it must have been after she held her....
and she got seated ready for the service to begin...

i slid into the pew next to her to tell her hello and give her a hug.
she looked sideways at me (like only she could do)....
and instead of hugging me...she hit me on the arm!

and then immediatly pointed up to where Delia was.

turned to me and said "why?"

I looked up at Delia and back at her...with no words...only a sharp intake of knowing what she was thinking.

"she said here am I ready...
and there she is...."
...."I know..." I said...

and she hit her other hand...
with a mix of disbelief, wonder, anger and resignation.

she loved her kids. each and every one.

Stephanie Hildebrandt said...

My Jesus, my Saviour,
Lord there is none like you.
All of my days, I want to praise,
The wonders of your mighty love.

Even if we don't always understand your timing Lord, help us to cling to the wonders of your love.

Praying for still more healing, love you, aunt steph <><

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