Tuesday, February 7, 2012

breaking my heart.

as we walked out the door i told her "mommy has to go to the doctor today."

when we got there i said "let's go potty before we check in."

as she sat there she pointed at the door and said "mommy. delia?"

she will say that when she picks up her sister's blanket, or sees my bracelet, or her bunny...

i looked around and didn't see anything that she would have said that to. my bracelet was covered. it was an empty room.

i asked "delia?"

"mommy delia. see delia?"

"see delia?"

"yes. we see delia?! delia's house?" with her brow furrowed.

ignore it so i don't cry.

an hour later we are back in the waiting room waiting for blood work.

"mommy! delia! delia?"

i scan the room trying to find something that is triggering this. another baby, a blanket like hers, a toy, something.

"see delia?"

"no. honey. not today, she's in heaven. remember?"

get called back into the lab.

"hi cutie!" proceeds to get things ready and asks eliza all sorts of questions.

"do you have any brothers or sisters?"

there is that question again, and her don't-skip-a-beat reply "yes!"

this time i was strong enough to answer when she asked me if that was true.

"in heaven."

"you have a sister that watches over you? that's special, i do too! she was older than me though."

Lord, thank you for giving me the strength not to lose it over and over today. thank you for kind nurses. and especially for the love of sisters.

3 comments:

momv said...

shel after talking with you, i just couldn't stop thinking of eliza and just wondering... is she thinking one of these days, she gets to see delia, was the trigger the doctors office evironment, the word ultrasound???
tears flowed
i'm sorry

Jessica said...

You're so strong. I love you.

J+A Vandercar said...

i know you told me this over the phone, but this post is bringing tears. love you.

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