Friday, January 6, 2012

the night of may 11th.

i go back there randomly. it was the night after that ultrasound.

the hardest night of my life.

a night of wrestling with God. with myself.

a friend posted a link to an article posted by a woman who worked at planned parenthood.

it described a procedure that changed her life. seeing an abortion happen through an ultrasound.

the images she described made me sick.

then i was taken back.

to when i asked the doctor "but she's alive, right?"

thankful i did.

ashamed that i ever considered their suggestion of terminating.

right back to that night of inner struggle.

i thought i knew what would be easier.

it still may have.

but we never would have held her.

and kissed those chubby cheeks.

and heard her tiny cry.

and saw her with her big sister.

examined her all over.

compared her hair color to eliza's.

watched her be baptized.

loved on her.

saw our family love on her.

been with that moment.

the one that was too short.

however short...i am thankful.

thankful we thought it out.

listened to families concerns.

that i had a dream of her telling me it would be okay.

that james was there. physically and mentally. right there with me.

for that phone call in the morning from aunt steph.

i was reassured.

it would be okay.

even when it's not will be.


jackie said...

I love your honesty, Shel. So real. Such real emotion. I couldn't be more thankful for your precious time with Delia.

Stephanie Hildebrandt said...

and i thank God for giving me those words to say to you, when you were an ocean away & i couldn't hug you tight.

Brandon and Lisa said...

I'm glad you chose life too... and to let me meet her. What a blessing she is to all of us!

Matt & Michelle said...

life everlasting! she is an angel for sure :)

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