Tuesday, August 30, 2011

leaving town.

we got the call that my car made it back from korea and is ready to be picked up.

i was so excited to head over to st. louis and pick it up. thought "we need a break." "we can have a little getaway." "this could be fun."

then we started our trip, and the anxiety built.

i know she's not there, but it feels weird to leave her.

it's not right. we didn't leave eliza until late this summer. just shy of her second birthday.

mama's are meant to be with their children.

it's strange not to be. i keep feeling like i need to be doing something. rocking a baby, nursing her, just keeping busy doing mama things.

the first night home i caught myself getting off the couch to go check on her.

i guess that instinct never leaves.

i keep telling myself she's not there. her body may be, but she is not. instead she is everywhere.

she will follow us to st. louis and anywhere else we go in this life.

be still.


nancy said...

rainbows ahead.
keep looking...I have a feeling she may move onto neon soon : )

Patty said...

like you said she will always be with you. she is there in the love you have between you and james and the love you both give big sister eliza. physicial she will not be with you but when you see those rainbow she will be painting every so often you will know that she is sending down her love to you.
your a great mom!

The Farm said...

You have been so strong through this Shel...your mother was worried about you...you hadn't cried...you made sure everyone had some time with Delia...you carried on...I told her...that's what mother's do...they gather their chicks under their wings and take care of them...Grandma Helen told me that's how she felt when one of her's got married...seeing them come down the aisle...she just wanted to gather them under her wings...YOU Shel are alot like Grandma Helen...and she would be very proud of the way you have given so much love to Delia and your whole family...one day at a time...that's what she would have told you...Love you much!

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